People Don't Care Nomar.
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- Nomar Garciaparra announced his retirement from baseball today and in a gesture of meaningless self-indulgence he signed a one-day contract with the Red Sox--ceremonially ending his career. According to Nomar, it was "a dream" to be able to retire with his former ballclub. Spare me the theatrics, brah--because no amount of pageantry is going to substitute for how dramatically you suck. I'm glad that you had a few all-star years tucked into the middle of an otherwise staggeringly remedial career, but the sad truth is that your wife is a far better and more memorable athlete than you will EVER be.
- Outside of Boston and small segments of Los Angeles County, the Garciaparra name has been forgotten--most people never even knew how to spell or say it to begin with. Did, say...Fred McGriff...as a random example, have to try and drum up this much attention when he bowed out of the game in 2004? Crimedog will probably go to the hall after 19 seasons-many of them with more than 30 home runs and over 100 RBIs. In his prime he spent quality years with the Blue Jays and the Braves, both far more respectable organizations than the Red Sox--yet McGriff left the game without fanfare or theatrical gestures. Class, dignity.
- Plenty of other all-star caliber ballplayers retire every year with numbers that embarrass Nomar's sham of a career yet they don't stage a press conference during the most non-eventful part of the sportsyear to mark the non-event of a one-day signing.
- After 14 years in the bigs the dude couldn't crack 230 homers or 1,000 RBIs. Seriously? Anything he did for the Dodgers was at anecdotal at best, so I'm assuming that he is only still beloved by the so-called 'Red Sox Nation.' Well, need I remind the oft ill-advised 'nation' that it was directly after he left the Sox that you guys actually won for the first time since the Wilson Administration. In the future, the few who do, will remember Garciaparra as the man he truly is: Nomar Hamm. And a curiously kosher message he delivers to generations of baseball historians to come.
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