I really should not have a preference in the upcoming Super Bowl. I was hoping for a Jets-Vikings matchup cause that would have been entertaining. Highflying offense and smashmouth defense collide. It would have been a crap shoot, a shit show, a steel-toed kick to the temple from teams that have NO business playing in Super Bowls in the post-Soviet era. Now I know that the Saints fall into that category as well and being that I like to root for the 'dog it should be a given that I pull for the Black and Gold on Sunday...they're giving them 6 points for fucks sake. Because of that unreasonable spread I might have to consider making some money off of the Saints--Yep, I've considered...and I will. But for some reason I'm just not gonna feel good about rooting for them. Which is a shame because it has nothing to do with the team-Drew Brees is exciting, Sean Payton is a fantastic coach. No, I have to root against the Saints because a good amount of their fans are complete morons. Of course I'm not talking about the diehards--who have been there for the Saints the entirety of their impossibly agonizing existence. I speak directly to the large contingent who only recently have jumped on the team's bulging bandwagon. The ones whom when asked anything Saints-related, the only thing they can tell you about their beloved team is WHO DAT!!??!! It's precisely like that instant classic ESPN Sports Radio ad at the bottom of the page.
The sad part is that there is no hyperbole here. WHO DAT? THIS and WHO DAT?! THAT...I hate having to be the one to point out the obvious, but that CHANT IS FUCKING ANNOYING and it gets TIRESOME very quickly! I love sports and endlessly respect my rivals who live and breath their team. But this requires a certain degree of knowledge and immersion that involves, at the very least, being aware of your roster and where your team is headed and what exactly makes them so good or so bad. Mindless repetition of the same meaningless catchphrase does none of those things. I'm sure that there are plenty of knowledgeable Saints fans out there, but you're being drowned out in the stupidity of "Who Dat? Nation." Not only is it a chant that doesn't even apply to football in any sense of its origins, but it also isn't even original when it comes to NFL Teams. The Bengals were all about Who Dey in the early 80s. So it's nothing personal against the fine people and fine city of New Orleans. It remains my favorite place in the world to lose control of all bodily functions. I am equally scornful of all moronic chants regardless of region. When Broncos fans cheer 'in-com-plete' after opposing teams fail to connect on a passing play, they sound like a bunch of clueless assholes.
Oh man, is that what it's called when someone drops a pass? It only happens about 25 times a game and my short term memory isn't what it used to be cause of all the meth being served up in Grand Junction, so thanks for the incessant reminders. And little kindergarten happy stickers go out to all these shmucks that feel the best rallying cry is one that proves to the world that you know how to spell your team's name!!!
You know who you are, and you track sewage into the human gene pool as your breeding halts the process of evolution in its tracks. Call me old-fashioned but I prefer chants with substance that let us know exactly what's on your mind. Tom Brady sucks, or Romo's a homo. These chants display an intense hatred for the adversary as well as staunch homophobia. That's just efficient oration right there and it's what good fanmanship is all about. As much as I despise the Red Sox fan who's uninspired enough to chant Yankees sucks at a Patriots-Steelers game in November, such a fan would probably possess enough knowledge to have good banter concerning which team has the better starting rotation heading into spring training...A drunken idiot who-datting down Bourbon Street could only tell you who Drew Brees is and he definitely wouldn't be able to tell you what the fuck that shit is on his face. Nothing is more invigorating than getting into it with knowledgeable fans, there is mutual respect and adoration there. But dumb-ass sports fans? They represent the simplification of sports, bastardizing it down to the level of modern day politics. This is sports Goddamnit, this means so much more than politics!
There is also that poignant lesson to be learned from losing. The Yankees lost a dramatic game 7 world series in the bottom of the 9th weeks after September 11th rocked the city to its core. And somehow that was a more fitting emotional experience to what we as New Yorkers were going through at the time. Mets fans were surely comforted. So don't lay on me this sentimental bullshit that we are supposed to now root for the Saints because of the horrific events of Katrina over 5 years ago. If you're gonna go that route it actually is more sentimentally relevant for them to make it to the grandest of stages and then loose--a la Rocky I, Friday Night Lights, Tin Cup, and the HBO: Sports Film, Nine Innings from Ground Zero. Sentimental classics that make even Sly Stallone, Billy Bob Thornton and George Bush seem like noble, transcendent figures. Who dat gonna play Drew Breese in the formulaic sports biopic about the unlikely 2009 season of the New Orleans Saints? Rooting against them on Sunday because it is the right thing to do. Besides, if they win we're all gonna be so fucking pissed that we're not in the French Quarter. Don't you feel better now?
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